Month: November 2025

Looking at Dating Profiles: Discerning Authenticity

/ blackbirddiaryblog

People reveal a lot about themselves in their dating profiles, and the more information they provide, the easier it is to get a sense of the kind of person they are. Profile Summaries are particularly helpful in this way. I’ve previously explored some general look-fors and what you can learn about someone from their communication style. Here, we’ll look at how you can discern someone’s authenticity (or lack of) from their Profile Summary.

If someone doesn’t have a Profile Summary at all, then be cautious. They may be too lazy to be bothered with one, their Profile may still be under construction, or it may be a fake profile. Watch out for the latter.

When reading a Profile Summary, be on the lookout for whether the person comes off as authentic, or conversely, if they come off as shallow, insincere, or phony (Here I don’t mean as a fake profile but as a personality flaw.). There are ways to discern authenticity, or a lack thereof, even in a Profile Summary.

Truths

A personal truth is something about a person where they’re inflexible and must be accepted by a potential match as they are. Truths can be a matter of personal preference (e.g., veganism, religion, sexual proclivity), a physical reality (e.g., disease, disability), or a situational reality (e.g., a custodial arrangement).

If a person is forthcoming about personal truths, it’s a sign of authenticity. They’re either strong in their truth, willing to be frank and straightforward, or courageous enough to be vulnerable. Their truth may be a turn-off or dealbreaker for you, but their honesty is commendable regardless.

Passions

Passions are those things which we find personally compelling, which make our lives more fulfilling, and which we couldn’t live without. Reading, sports, travel, and art are all examples of things that someone might be passionate about.

In my high school Humanities course, Dr. Cognard gave us an assignment to do a presentation on something we were passionate about, with the goal of evoking that feeling of passion in the rest of the class–in essence, to make our audience feel our passion. All those years ago, I did my presentation on Love itself. And here I am, still presenting on that topic.

I came across Timo’s profile several months ago. Timo lives off the grid on an acreage. Reading his profile, his enthusiasm and passion for nature was palpable. He would’ve nailed the Humanities assignment.

If someone communicates their passion in a compelling way, there’s sincerity in that. The source of their passion may not inspire you in the same way, but it’s a sign of authenticity.

Beware of the Peacock

Ideally, a Profile Summary gives you a sense of who someone is and what/who they’re looking for in a relationship. But sometimes, a profile reads as a sales pitch on how desirable they are to date. Perhaps they do have some great things going on, but if they don’t have quality of character to match their desirable qualities, no bueno.

Sometimes the bluster can be obvious, but sometimes it can be subtle, especially if there are aspects of the profile that you find desirable, such as the person’s lifestyle, accomplishments, or attractiveness. Read the tone of the profile to discern whether they come off as friendly and conversational or if they’re peacocking who they are in a showy way. There’s a shallowness in showiness, and a resulting lack of authenticity.

Depths vs. Shallows

Speaking of shallowness, if you’re looking for authentic connection, look beyond the shallow, the surface, and the small talk, to find someone with depth who sparks your interest. Depth of character is a sign of authenticity and can present itself in different ways.

Does a profile read like a gazillion other profiles, or is there something about it that stands out, that speaks to you? If you find a Profile Summary (versus pictures or biographical information) that touches you or compels you in some way, it can be an indication of authenticity.

If someone’s Profile Summary rises above the shallows of small talk, stands out, and engages you, ask yourself what it is about the summary that speaks to you. Do they strike you as reflective? Intellectual? Insightful? Do they have personality? A unique perspective? A good sense of humor? Do they have depths that you can dive into? If so, it might be time to go for a swim.

Disingenuousness

I’m not really sure what the motive is for people to be flagrantly disingenuous in their profile, but every once in a while I run across a profile where someone is openly disingenuous rather than straightforward about who they are.

Some examples…

Example 1: Pediatric ER doc with a God complex, narcissist, insecure, dishonest and emotionally unavailable, acquiring material possessions to compensate for a spiritual void. When asked to describe me friends say, “Seriously? I really don’t know you that well. Can’t you ask somebody else?”🤣😂

Example 2: Do you like yard work, cleaning house, cooking? Are you financially stable? Are you able to provide me with all the comforts I deserve? Can you drive a tractor? If so then maybe I just may allow you the honor of chatting with me. Ok I’m kidding LOL 

Example 3: Well, hmmm… I hate travel, hate laughing, …. just kidding. I like those things of course. 

Example 4: Extremely over weight (sic), bald, lazy, jobless, no sense of humor, mom has never liked me, i do posses (sic) a 4th grade reading level my most outstanding feature is that i am a complete train wreck in the bedroom.   Any takers? 

I really don’t understand the motivation for this approach. Do they think they’re being funny? Do they think it’s an effective way to appeal to potential matches? Or are they simply not thinking through their strategy at all? Regardless, they’re not coming from a place of authenticity, and they don’t deserve serious consideration.

Photos

In discerning authenticity in a profile, it would be remiss of me to not mention profile photographs. Unfortunately, there are a plethora of profiles with misleading photographs–filters, old photos, or an age/physical appearance mismatch.

The good news is that it’s usually pretty easy to discern when someone is being misleading with their photos, you just need to be on the lookout for such deception.

Things to keep in mind:

  • Do they have several photos (more than just 3 or 4) so that you can get a consistent idea of what they look like across place and time? If not, you have a right to wonder.
  • Does the photograph look filtered or altered in some way? If so, why?
  • Is it not actually a true photograph? Again, if so, why?
  • Do the photos look old? This can be discerned by whether the photo seems aged or the context (e.g., what people are wearing, hairstyles, the setting) of the photo.
  • Does their stated age seem to match the photos they’re sharing? For instance, if they say they’re 56 but they have a wattle-gobble throat, their age might be off by a decade or more.

It’s unfortunate that people are deceptive and misleading in their profile and photos, but if you look at profiles and photos with this in mind, you can frequently discern when someone’s authentic and when they’re being disingenuous.

Final Thoughts

Finding that right person and romantic connection is a challenge. And while there are dating profiles aplenty out there, discerning if the person behind the profile might be a good match requires using the information offered in the profile purposefully.

One look-for in a Profile Summary is whether a person reads as authentic. There’s plenty of people who are insincere, play games, put up a false-front, or have an agenda. That makes finding a person who’s authentic that much more precious. May you find an authentic connection who’s right for you.

If you’re enjoying Blackbird Dating content, please consider sharing with people who you think might appreciate it also. And, if you’re interested in Blackbird Dating video content, you can subscribe to my new YouTube channel.

Good luck out there!

Up Next: Blue Holidays–When You Feel More OY than Joy

A Match.com Update: Fake Profiles

/ blackbirddiaryblog / 3 Comments

Not long ago, I posted a review of the Match.com dating platform. This week, I had an experience that merits sharing, because it impacts my perception of the platform–a very sudden and prominent proliferation of fake profiles.

A Recap of Some Recent Problems

The past year has seen a decline in quality and service of Match.com, including issues such as:

  • Increasing difficulty in finding quality connections: I’m not sure if the database has shrunk significantly or if the machinations of the platform are simply doing a poorer job of providing ample quality potential matches.
  • Increasing technical difficulties: Including more frequent issues with loading the platform app and “profile not available” messages when a refresh will load the “not available” profile.
  • No longer honoring (my) geographic search criteria: I have a 1500 mile geographic dating radius, yet several weeks ago, Match stopped providing profiles beyond 300 miles in my Discover. To find profiles beyond 300 miles, I now have to use the Search tool.
  • Poor customer service: Likely this has to do with the lack of human factor.
    • When I complained to Match several weeks ago about them no longer honoring my geographic search criteria, I got a canned answer not matching my complaint and blaming me, suggesting I expand my search criteria. Ironic, when they’re the ones who limited me geographically.
    • A client of mine recently had a similar experience. He complained about the limited profiles he was seeing despite living in a major metropolitan area. Match essentially sent him the same response, suggesting he expand his criteria.
    • I grew up in a context where the customer was always right. While that may be an outdated notion, indiscriminately blaming the consumer and not addressing their concern is not a good look.
    • At this point, I assume that the failure to address the actual concerns posed by both myself and my client (and to give us the same canned answer) is due to a lack of a real human factor, and that the responses were from a bot or AI.

Despite these issues, to date, I’ve continued to subscribe to Match, because historically I’ve had a good experience with them, and I’ve made some quality connections through them. However…

A New Development

This week I had an experience that further degrades my perception of the current quality of Match as a platform.

Bots and fake profiles have been an issue for a long time, a problem which is not particular to Match. That said, this week the problem got NOTICEABLY worse on the Match platform.

Almost overnight, the profiles in my search were suddenly much better looking overall. I went from having to scroll for a while to find a profile photo that was reasonably attractive (someone I could potentially imagine being intimate with), to having multiple attractive options on screen at the same time. Men who were solid 7s and 8s on a scale of 10. They upped the attractive man mean. And the photos were attractive enough to get attention, without being so attractive as to arouse suspicion out of the gate.

Initially, this was a refreshing change of possibility, but upon further investigation, it’s a problematic development that ballooned in proportion the more I looked into it.

The Dominid Effect

I clicked on one of these profiles, “Dominid,” from Ohio. Dominid had three pictures in different contexts, all reasonably attractive. 55 years old. 5’11”–tall without being really tall. Widowed. Looking for a serious relationship. Not a lot of details and no Profile Summary. And such a peculiar name, Dominid. It’s like Dominic, but really leaning into his hominid-ness.

When I returned to my Search, I noticed that there were several other Dominids from around the country –South Carolina, New York, Maryland, California, etc. There were thirteen Dominids in all. Funny that. Funnier yet, that they were all 55; widowed; looking for serious relationship; and had no Profile Summary. And they each had 3-4 different photos. The Dominids looked different from each other, but they all had the same stats.

Upon further inspection, I noticed that a lot of the other attractive profiles in my Search were also 55 years old. I clicked on some of these profiles, by different names this time. It turns out that many of them were also 5’11”; widowed; looking for serious relationship; and had 3-4 photos in different contexts, but no Profile Summary.

I took the trouble to report the Dominids as a scam to Match, but the truth is, that I don’t know that Match didn’t create the profiles themselves. Clearly, they were fake profiles whether bots or AI-generated. I didn’t report men by other names, because I didn’t want to accidentally report someone who actually had those stats and was too lazy to write a Summary. It was also too much.

Our Reality

It’s a disappointing reality. People don’t have to be assholes, nor do corporations, yet so many opt for that reality.

What the motivation is behind creating the profiles and who created them, I don’t know. To scam the unsuspecting or to create the illusion of a large database of attractive romantic possibilities? Regardless, it’s frustrating, and I wanted y’all to know so you could be on the lookout. It’s a hard enough gig to find right connection without having to worry about deception and scams.

Also, while I’m looking at this from the female-seeking-male end of the spectrum, I have to assume that if it’s happening in my realm, it’s happening in other realms too.

Final Thoughts

This experience has reinforced my belief in how important a good Profile Summary is. A profile lacking a Summary is at best an example of someone who’s either too lazy or whose profile is still under construction. At worst, it’s a fake profile–a scam, a bot, or AI.

So, at this point, a profile sans Summary presents as somewhat suspicious. By weeding out profiles with no Profile Summary, you can insulate yourself from this at some level. And the more pictures on the profile, the better indication that the person is real.

Be careful, and good luck out there!