Month: January 2026

A Review of Dating Platforms: Hinge

/ blackbirddiaryblog

Among the plethora of dating platforms, Hinge is a key player. One of the many apps owned by Match Group, its tagline is “designed to be deleted,” a reference to its goal of helping you get to successful relationship. With news that NYC mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani met his wife on Hinge, it’s had some renewed interest in the past year. Let’s review Hinge more closely, to better understand its place in the world of dating apps and whether it might be a good fit for you.

General

Here are some basics about the platform:

App Only

The Hinge platform is only available via app, not computer. If apps are your preferred mode, then great! But, it’s a limitation that will annoy some users.

Designed to be Deleted

Hinge’s tagline is designed to attract clientele who are looking for a serious long-term relationship. To that end, it has specific features to encourage that, including limiting the number likes someone can give in one day to eight, unless you have a paid subscription. Hinge states that their research indicates eight is the magic number to helping customers make better matches.

As part of setting their customers up for better matches, their research also showed that liking a specific part of someone’s profile (e.g., a photo, a prompt), rather than a general profile like, leads to more successful outcomes. To that end, you must choose a specific part of someone’s profile to like. In doing so, they further encourage you to add a comment to spark conversation. My son’s friend Jaden likes this aspect of the app. Jaden’s girlfriend liked one of his pictures, initiating a conversation which ultimately led to romantic relationship.

See Hinge’s mission statement if you’d like to see what they have to say about their commitment to “designed to be deleted” in more detail.

Profiles

The profiles are limited in what they contain, but there are certain requirements. This strikes a balance of neither too little nor overmuch information that you can glean from a profile.

For instance, in order to “like” other profiles, you must upload six photos/videos to your own profile. But, six is also the maximum amount of photos you can upload to your profile. No more, no less. Six is a nice minimum amount of photos to see, but an unfortunate maximum limit.

The biographical information is limited as well. There are the several statistics you’re able to provide (e.g., profession, education, politics, religion, etc.), but a limited amount of space where you can describe who you are and who/what you’re looking for in a romantic partner. Beyond the statistics and photos/videos, profiles consist of simply three prompts and answers. Not a lot of space for someone to reveal who they are as a person and who/what they’re looking for.

So, the amount of information that you can relay about yourself or glean from someone else’s profile is adequate, but limited. That said, because there’s a minimum amount of information required, overall, the profiles generally seem more legitimate, better-filled out, and more polished than is often the case on other platforms.

Geography

For those of us who are open to/prefer to date long distance, Hinge isn’t particularly friendly. The maximum distance you can set as a dating radius is 100 miles. You can, however, change your location on your profile, for instance if you’re travelling and want to see who’s available in the area.

Because of the limits of geography, Hinge seems best suited for those who aren’t interested in dating long distance or who live in a cosmopolitan area where there’s a larger quantity of local options.

Profile Structure

Here are the main components of profiles (both yours and theirs):

Six Photos

As I said, no more, no less. Six.

Written Prompts

Rather than an open-ended summary, Hinge provides written prompts for you to answer to tell potential matches about yourself. The upside of this is that it’s a less intimidating prospect for those who are intimidated by the idea of filling a blank page. The downside is that you’re limited to three prompts, not leaving you (or them) much room to share who you are.

As part of a profile, users must choose and answer three prompts. Much like with photos, you choose and answer three–no more, no less. While it’s limiting that you’re restricted to three prompts, as it’s a requirement, it can’t be left empty–users have to give you something of who they are. How much and what they give you can reveal a lot about them, even in a limited space.

Some prompt examples:

  • My greatest strength…
  • I’m looking for…
  • Two truths and a lie:

I suggest that you answer your selected prompts thoughtfully and fully–a paragraph or two. The more information you provide about who you are, the more likely you are to attract a quality match.

Optional Content

In addition to the required profile components there are some optional components.

Video Prompt

Much like the written prompts, you can also do a video prompt (e.g., “I recently discovered that…”). The idea of the video prompt is to show who you are with added dimensionality. By being more than pictures to see and words to be read, you’ll seem that much more real. They can hear your voice, see you move, read your body language.

If you opt in, remember that you want to present your best self in video form. Do a mirror check–should you powder your face? Brush your hair? Change to a shirt without a coffee stain? Do you have something in your teeth? No need to be uptight about it, but don’t be slovenly either.

Also, think through what you want to say. Practice a few times. If you need to, practice in front of a mirror. You want to be natural, not stilted in your response. By rehearsing, you allow yourself to get more comfortable, thus enabling you to come across the way you want.

Prompt Poll

Another option is the Prompt Poll. In this option, you choose a prompt, then give three responses for potential matches to choose from.

For instance, you choose a prompt such as, “Let’s break the ice by…”

Then you write three possible responses for potential matches to choose from, such as…

  • Option 1: singing karaoke
  • Option 2: speaking in an accent
  • Option 3: randomly breaking out in dance moves.

They can be a bit silly, but if a prompt speaks to you, and you’re feeling creative, then go for it!

Voice Prompt

Another prompt option is the Voice Prompt. This option offers potential matches more dimensionality than the written prompt, but less than the Video Prompt. They can’t see you moving in space, but it allows them to hear you vocal tonal qualities.

Voice Prompt examples:

  • A boundary of mine is…
  • Biggest risk I’ve ever taken…
  • A random fact I love is...

If you opt for this, much like the video prompt, it’s a good idea to rehearse your response a few times to get comfortable. Be yourself, making sure to keep your tone warm, open, and unhurried. Ensure the Voice Prompt works for you, not against you, if you choose it.

Identity

This part of a profile is where you identify your pronouns, gender, and sexuality.

My Virtues

Virtues may be a questionable term for the content, but this section of a profile is where you list your work, job title, education, religious beliefs, dating intentions, relationship type, etc.

My Vitals

This part of a profile is where you share your name, age, height, ethnicity, children, etc.

My Vices

This section is where you reveal whether or not you’re a lush, smoke, use marijuana, or are a drug addict. If you have other vices, apparently you’re not expected to come clean about them on your profile.

Feeds

There are three different feeds on the Hinge platform: Discover, Standouts, and Likes You.

Discover

The Discover feed is marked by an H symbol on the app. This is where you can browse profiles, and, if you find someone you’re interested in, like some part of their profile.

Standouts

The Standout feed is marked by a * symbol on the app. This feed has ten profiles that rotate daily. Each profile features a particular prompt/response that Hinge selected based on your preferences.

Likes You

The Likes You feed is marked by a heart symbol on the app. As the name of the feed implies, this is where you can see users who have liked you, but with the caveat that you can only see one at a time unless you pay for a subscription. Only allowing users to see one profile at a time encourages users to engage with profiles rather than scroll through them, or, alternatively, to shell out money for the convenience of having access to multiple profiles.

Other Features

Roses

If you really like someone, you can send them a Rose, which functions similarly to a Super Like, making your profile rise to the top of someone’s list. Users get one free Rose per week, but you can purchase additional Roses within the app.

Boosts

A Boost lifts your profile to the front of the line, so that more people see your profile, for one hour. Superboosts do the same thing for twenty-four hours.

Messaging

Hinge encourages messaging when you like part of someone’s profile. Once a message is sent, Hinge will notify users that it’s “Your Turn” to respond. This helps keep momentum in a connection, as well as discouraging ghosting.

Once someone includes a phone number in a message exchange, Hinge will follow up with users to see if you’ve met, and if so, how you felt about the quality of the connection. This helps Hinge continue to tweak the algorithm to try to provide better matches.

Dealbreakers

If there are any qualities that are true dealbreakers for you, you can mark them as such in your Preferences. Note that this will filter out matches that don’t meet your preference on that quality. Unless it’s a true dealbreaker, you probably don’t want to mark it as such.

Subscriptions vs. No Subscription

You’re able to do a lot on the Hinge platform without paying for a subscription, including liking profiles, seeing likes, and messaging. This was an inviting aspect of the feature for some twenty-somethings I talked to who are still in school and not in the career/money-making phase of life. To me this also suggests that it’s a good app to try-on, and, if you have a good experience, it may be worth considering paying for a Hinge + subscription.

Hinge +

A Hinge + subscription comes with the additional perks of unlimited daily likes (a free subscription is limited to eight); the ability to see all of your incoming likes at the same time (rather than one by one); and advanced filtering preferences.

Paid Hinge subscriptions can be pricey, especially when you consider all of the features available for free, but you might find some of the additional perks worthwhile. If you’re interested in exploring expanded features, the current cost for a Hinge + subscription at the time of this writing is:

  • 1 month @ $10.49/week, around $45.74/month
  • 3 months @ $6.99/week, around $30.48/month, or a total of about $91.43
  • 6 months @ $5.83/week, around $25.42/month, or a total of about $152.51

As you can see, the longer the subscription you pay for, the more money you save over time.

Hinge X

With a Hinge X subscription, you get all the perks of a Hinge + subscription as well as the additional features Enhanced Recommendations; Skip the Line; and Priority Likes.

Enhanced Recommendations brings potential matches who share more of your preferences to the top of your Discover.

Skip the Line is like a constant Boost.

Priority Likes keeps your profile at the top of recipients’ lists for seven days, working much like Roses. Because of the similarity to Roses, it seems like a rather pointless feature.

At the time of this writing, the cost of a Hinge X subscription is:

  • 1 week @ $24.99/week
  • 1 month @ $12.83/week, around $55.94/month
  • 3 months @$7.77/week, around $33.87/month, or about $99.99 total
  • 6 months @ $6.99/week, around $30.48/month, or about $182.86 total

Hinge X features bear a lot of similarity to the features you already have access to in the free subscription and Hinge + subscription. A Hinge X subscription seems to be a poor value for the extra money.

Users’ Thoughts

When I asked people about their experience on Hinge, the responses were generally positive. For many, it was their preferred platform. Everyone I talked to was using the free subscription. Some of their thoughts:

Jaden, a twentysomething, met his girlfriend through Hinge and had several good things to say about the platform. When I asked if it was the platform he had the best experience on, he replied in the affirmative, saying, “Yes, it was the most interactive in a human way.”

Brad, who’s in his fifties, said that it seemed to have a “higher level of quality” than other platforms he’d used, and he definitely prefers it to Match.

Additional Information

Hinge does seem to be geared more toward younger users (Gen Z). An example of this leaning is that they’re an app-only platform.

Some users feel that Hinge isn’t what it used to be, that its quality is on the decline. It certainly isn’t the only dating platform that can be said about. Match used to be the king of dating apps, but they’ve abdicated that title. Customer Service in general seems to be on the decline–I had a frustrating experience trying to get help with a Microsoft issue the other day. Wouldn’t it be lovely if customer satisfaction was a priority? Any platform/company/corporation can choose to step it up any day. It’s a niche waiting to be claimed. If only.

It’s also of note that some users have filed a lawsuit accusing Hinge and Tinder of allowing serial rapists to remain on the apps, even after being reported. Per this, remember to properly vet potential matches; Google search them (make sure they are who they say they are; don’t put yourself in any precarious circumstances; and trust your gut. There are some bad people out there, be careful.

If you’re interested in a more thorough breakdown of the app, including details, tips, comparisons, and articles, VIDA Select has many resources.

Final Thoughts

Overall, Hinge stacks up nicely against its competitors and there are a lot of great accessible features even on the free subscription. With a tagline of “designed to be deleted,” I hope that if you use it, they live up to that claim.

If you have experience with Hinge and/or other platforms and would be willing to share your thoughts, please leave a comment below or contact me.

If you’re enjoying Blackbird Dating content, please consider sharing with people who you think might appreciate it also. And, if you’re interested in Blackbird Dating video content, you can subscribe to my new YouTube channel.

Good luck out there!

Up Next: Oh so Cliché

Manage Your Relationship Expectations: Further Down the Road

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Last summer, I wrote about the importance of managing your expectations when you’re just getting to know someone. But, what about when you have a history with someone? What if you know them well? Histories often come with complications. There are reasons you aren’t together or that you haven’t gone all in. How to manage your relationship expectations with someone when you’re further down the road?

In managing your expectations, it’s key to be honest with yourself and truth out the situation. This requires zooming out from the situation emotionally, to consider it more objectively. The good thing is, time can make this easier. You may feel strong connection to a person, but may no longer be in throes of excitement of the early days of connection. Your emotions may be more manageable with time. This, in turn, can make your expectations easier to manage.

You Know What You Know

If someone’s been in your life for a while, but it hasn’t manifested as a relationship; isn’t currently manifesting as a relationship; or isn’t manifesting at the level of relationship you’d like, you still have the advantage of information. You’ve been down this road and seen the landscape. You’ve had an opportunity to learn them; discern the dynamic between yourselves; and you have a shared history that you can learn from.

When we don’t learn from our history, we often doom ourselves to repeating it. But, we can choose to be intentional about learning from our histories, including our relationship and romantic histories. And, by doing so, we can make conscious and informed choices within those contexts.

You Know Them

Over time, you’ve had the chance to learn them–their strengths, their faults, their appeal, their annoyances. Be well-attuned to all of their qualities, not just their more attractive ones. We aren’t teenagers anymore, so ensure that you’re not looking at them through rose-colored glasses, but that you’re seeing them in all their human dimensionality.

For me, Isaac is one of the funniest people I know. He makes me laugh. Being with him is fun. When he invited me for a visit last summer, I happily accepted.

One morning, as I was making toast, he sidled up to me and asked, “Do you know what’s worse than a Cuisinart toaster?”

“No,” I responded, looking at him quizzically.

“Nothing!” He replied with a smile.

Isaac makes something as quotidian as making toast, fun. Yet, he’s not consistently reliable about showing up. Several times over the years, he’s backed out of our rendezvous, for various reasons. I know I can count on him in the general (he’s been there for me on some dark days), but not always in the specific. I know this about him, and I can’t expect it to change unless he demonstrates different behavior on a consistent basis. And it’s my job to pay attention and note if he does.

You Know Yourself

Not only have you had the chance to get to know them well over time, you’ve known yourself even longer! Be honest with yourself about your own strengths and weaknesses, both as an individual and regarding them. Use this self-knowledge to help you discern how to handle the situation in a way that you can manage and that supports your best self-interest.

When I met Isaac, I fell for him immediately. In the intervening years, I’ve been through a lot. I’m a feeling person and an empath, but over the years, I’ve also emotionally toughened up. I’m a different version of myself than the woman he originally met. This affects my interactions, expectations, and choices regarding him in the specific, as well as more broadly in my life.

You Know Your Shared History

So you’ve been down the road with them for a bit, maybe taking off-ramps here and there, but you’re still on the same road, even if you aren’t always travelling in tandem. At this point, you’re cognizant of your relationship dynamic, the energy and chemistry between you. You also know what you’ve experienced together and done to each other–both the good stuff and the bad bits.

My History with Isaac

In my case, Isaac’s been in my life for twelve years. We’ve never been in a committed romantic relationship, but we’ve had several dates and rendezvous over the years. Over time, we’ve become friends, with complications. There were a couple of angry years where we went without talking to each other, but we’ve also seen each other through romantic disappointments, as well as flirted and found our way back to each other.

There’s always been a reason why we haven’t manifested as a couple. His reasons have changed over time, but he’s always had a reason. With time, I’ve come to a better understanding of him and his reasons. And, I’ve come to accept him as he is.

Admittedly, I don’t appreciate feeling like I’m somehow insufficient in his eyes, but he gets to determine what he wants. And to date, I continue to accept the terms of our relationship/non-relationship because I like having him in my life. My life is better for his presence in it.

My Managed Expectations

When Isaac invited me to come for a visit, I gladly accepted. We arranged for a three-day visit, longer than we’ve ever spent together. I didn’t know how it would go, but I was intrigued to find out. For everything we’ve been through, I find him compelling, and I care about him. And, whatever might happen, I knew at this point in my journey that I could handle it.

For the three days I was with him, I was happy. That’s no small thing. I savored our time together. And, perhaps that’s all I get. Regardless, it was worth it. And now, we’ll see what happens, or doesn’t, on the other side of those three days.

I’m an expansive person, and ironically, he both expands me, while putting limits on us. I accept that. He’s worth having in my life, even with limits. I can’t say that about every man I’ve cared for. But because of those limits, I’m cautious about how much oxygen I give to my feelings and expectations.

Should a man surface who makes me feel as expansive as I do with Isaac but without the limits, or should I tire of this version of what we are, I can always impose my own limits. Alternatively, should Isaac continue to broaden what we can be, I can give more oxygen to my feelings and expectations. Meanwhile, I’m enjoying him and us for whatever we are.

What Can You Handle?

For now, I’m at a place where I’ve come to accept my relationship with Isaac for whatever it is or isn’t, even with limits. I don’t have to, but I do. Absent Isaac expanding his limits, I can create my own terms for what we are, should I choose to, knowing that doing so might further limit what we are. For whatever reason, at this point, I’m able to manage living with his terms. But, I haven’t been able to accept every man’s limits.

Evan was upfront that he didn’t see a long-distance relationship “in the stars” for him, despite having had an international long-distance relationship with his ex. Nevertheless, he was drawn to my profile and wanted to get to know me better.

We spent over a year talking on the phone regularly, and we became close–so close that it became difficult for me to live with his limitations, even though he’d been very upfront about them. Because of this, I eventually put limitations on our interactions. Emotionally, it ended up being easier not to talk to him at all.

So, what can you handle? What can you manage without causing yourself undue pain? And what might be worth any fallout? Use your knowledge of yourself, of them, and of your shared history to help determine what you can handle. This will help you better manage your relationship expectations and navigate whatever relationship you have. And most important–make sure that you’re taking good care of yourself.

Beware of Hope

Hope’s a tricky thing. It can be a helpful coping mechanism, but it can also be a real bitch. A lack of any Hope is a dark place to live, but Hope indulged too much can set you up for disappointment.

Truth It Out

Truthing it out means being honest with yourself about the realities of your situation. It requires zooming out emotionally, and looking at facts, events, words, and actions through a rational lens.

I can Hope that maybe Isaac will continue to expand what we are even further. It’s even possible that Evan could have an Aha! moment and realize that I’m worth the work of long distance. Either of those could happen. But, I have a lot of experience with both men, and I need to factor that history into my accounting of each situation. So, how much oxygen am I going to feed that Hope with? I’m very careful about that. Isaac is still showing up, so that situation gets oxygen. Evan isn’t, so that situation is oxygen starved.

What are the Truths of your situation?

Keep Your Hope and Expectations Realistic

A more realistic Hope in my case, would be that someday I find right relationship with a man who I have a special connection with. Now, I have fifteen years of being single that would argue that might not happen. But, in those fifteen years, I’ve also dated a lot of men, had some relationships, and made some special connections. I only need one man to get it right with. By keeping Hope more generalized than specific, we’re less likely to set ourselves up for disappointment.

In the specific, regarding Isaac, we’ve grown closer over the years, and it wouldn’t be unrealistic to Hope that we continue to do so. But what that might look like, I need to be careful not to put any expectation on. And, as long as I can manage that, I can enjoy what we are, rather than worry about what we aren’t.

What hopes and expectations are realistic for you? Do you need to generalize any Hope?

Take Action. Or Don’t.

How do you feel about your situation? Is it acceptable? Are there aspects to your relationship(s)/situation that are upsetting or difficult to manage?

If your situation is manageable, then maybe you let things be. But, if it’s emotionally distressing or unsatisfying at some level, you may want to take action and do something different. With Isaac, it’s manageable. With Evan, the situation became emotionally untenable, so I stepped back from our connection.

Some other examples:

Tiffany

Tiffany has been dating Rob for several years. Rob is twice-divorced and has vowed never to get married again. Tiffany would very much like to get married. She’s stayed in the relationship because she cares about Rob, but she also hopes that someday he’ll change his mind.

Tiffany is playing the Hope and Wait game. It’s a gambling game with poor odds. Rob holds all the trump cards. He has everything he wants–their relationship is on his terms.

Last I heard, Tiffany and Rob moved in together. They upped their game. Maybe this will give Tiffany more satisfaction. Maybe Rob will even come around to wanting more someday. But for now, she either needs to accept what Rob willingly offers or, if it really isn’t enough, find the wherewithal to claim what she wants, even if it means walking away if Rob won’t give it to her.

The question is does she want this relationship, or does she want a certain level of relationship? Either way, pining for more doesn’t feel like a satisfactory way to live.

Stanley

Stanley and I dated for four years. When we started dating, he was “temporarily” sharing a house with his ex, an arrangement quaintly called “nesting,” where the parents move in and out of the house so the children don’t have to relocate.

I could easily fill a manuscript with how toxic and unhealthy nesting is, and perhaps someday I will, but for now, my point is that when we started dating, the arrangement was supposedly temporary. I was told it was a post-divorce transition to ease the children into their new reality. There was even a purported date to end this arrangement. If there hadn’t been, I probably never would have gone out with him at all.

The thing is, the date came and went. It was moved back from February to July. Then July came and went. At this point, I was emotionally involved, and though I found the arrangement nauseating, I tolerated it, playing the Hope and Wait game. Waiting for things to change. Hoping that Stanley saw my value and prioritized me. Hoping and Waiting, with my needs and feelings on the backburner.

Oh, what effed up martyrdom. Shockingly (read with sarcasm), my Hopes went unfulfilled. After all, I enabled him and his situation. I gave him all the trump cards. He was winning the game (By the way, a healthy relationship is NEVER about winning, but that’s another blog post.), and I let him. I only bested him when I walked away from the game altogether. There came a point when I simply no longer wanted to play. The thing is, we should have been on the same team instead of playing against each other.

You

It’s up to you to determine what you can handle in your relationships. Anchor yourself in truths. If you’ve been in relationship with someone for a while, there probably won’t be a sudden dramatic shift in your relationship, like an on-off switch, but the dimmer switch may move a little.

Some things to consider:

What are your needs? Can you advocate for your needs? If so, what does that look like?

How flexible are you about how the relationship manifests? What are you willing to accept? Where can you compromise? How long are you willing to Hope and Wait? Can you temper your Hope, managing your relationship expectations in a reasonable way?

And, where do you need to draw the line to take care of yourself?

Final Thoughts

When you’re just getting to know someone, you don’t know what you don’t know. But, when you’ve been in relationship with someone for a while, you have the advantage of knowing the lay of the land. This knowledge can you truth out your situation and manage your expectations about the relationship in a realistic way.

Unless one of you ends your connection in the near future, you’re still in the middle of whatever relationship you have. Enjoy yourself and the relationship as much as you’re able. And if you’re not enjoying the connection in its current state, it begs the question why, and it’s worth examining.

If you’re enjoying Blackbird Dating content, please consider sharing with people who you think might appreciate it also. And, if you’re interested in Blackbird Dating video content, you can subscribe to my new YouTube channel.

Good luck out there!

Up Next: A Review of Dating Platforms–Hinge