relationship autopsy

Relationship Mistakes: Apply What You’ve Learned

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We all have lived experience, some of it good, and unavoidably, some bad. This experience–what happens to us, what we make happen, and how we respond to what happens–helps inform who we are and how we grow (or fail to) as individuals. Ideally, we evolve and become better versions of ourselves, having learned some lessons from our lived experience, including relationships and relationship mistakes.

Most of us have made our share of relationship mistakes. To do better going forward, it’s important to learn from those mistakes, then be intentional about applying what you’ve learned.

Lessons Learned

At this point, hopefully you’ve learned some lessons from your dating and relationship history to help guide you in your dating experience. Myself, I’ve learned enough to fill a (literal) manuscript. I also have notes aplenty for manuscripts yet-to-be.

If you haven’t been intentional about learning from your relationship history, it’s worth taking time to reflect on this. What were some relationship issues from your past? Do you have any relationship mistakes that haunt you? Relationship regrets? Relationship mistakes might include actions and behaviors of yours; your choice of a romantic partner who was a poor fit; or the problematic behavior of a former partner.

If nothing easily comes to mind, do a Relationship Autopsy (per my last post) to dig down and really identify past issues, so that you can avoid repeating them.

If you’re intentional about learning from your relationship history, this can also help you identify your Relationship Values, elements that are crucial to your ability to thrive in relationship. It can also help you recognize any patterns of behavior that you want to replace in yourself or, conversely, avoid in a partner.

In this post, we’ll focus on applying the lessons we’ve learned from our dating-relationship history.

Be Aware: Recognizing Your Mistakes and Theirs

To apply the lessons you’ve learned from relationship mistakes, it’s necessary to bring an awareness–an objective eye–to your experience in real time. If you’re able to Zoom Out effectively, you can watch your own behavior, as well as the behavior of any potential romantic partners.

With that watchfulness, you want to be on the lookout for any of your past behaviors/choices that you want to interrupt or any behaviors from matches that are problematic. Of course, you’ll also want to pay attention any positive or attractive behaviors and chemistry as well–this is what we’re ultimately after.

Self-Awareness

Start with yourself. We carry our histories with us, but in each moment we have the opportunity to choose who we are anew and where we want to go. To put the best version of ourselves out there, first we must have a strong self-awareness–recognizing our strengths, weaknesses, inclinations, and patterns of behavior.

Acknowledge your shortcomings, both past and present, in relationships so that you can address those behaviors and tendencies going forward. If you identify areas that you still need to work on, zoom out and ask yourself why you engage in that behavior or have that tendency. What feeling is behind it? How does that behavior serve you?

For instance, if you recognize that you’re prone to being defensive, ask yourself why. Usually defensiveness is a shield for insecurities, either presuming that someone’s on the attack or a deflective denial of any wrongdoing.

Whatever negative behavior you recognize, dig down and get to the bottom of why you’re manifesting this behavior and what you can do to interrupt it. In the example of defensiveness, you might ask yourself: What am I insecure about? Why? Have I had this behavior modeled for me(e.g., from a parent)? What can I do to build my confidence? How can I interact in a more prosocial way?

Tweak the questions to suit whatever behavior pattern you’re trying to interrupt, so that you can truly understand the Why behind the pattern of behavior. Then, practice a replacement behavior. When doing so, think, “Fake it till you make it.” Practice is the ‘Fake It’ part, until you internalize the new behavior mindset.

In our example, let’s say that you realize your defensive behavior is because your father’s always been hypercritical of you, so you’re constantly on guard expecting criticism. To practice a replacement behavior, try to catch yourself feeling, behaving, or talking in a defensive manner and truth it out–Is this person really saying something that’s critical of me or am I assuming that’s their intent? If it is critical, then listen to them and honestly consider whether what they say is valid.

Additionally, you can write/repeat any mantras and self-messaging that you want to internalize and practice. In our example, that could look like, “Don’t assume that everyone’s on the attack.” To work on any insecurities, maybe something along the lines of, “I’m worthy” or “I’m doing fine.” If you deflect any criticism, perhaps “Listen instead of deflect.” An appropriate mantra will depend on what the motivation behind the behavior is.

By knowing any personal foibles, you can be on the lookout for them, catch yourself in real time, and practice the replacement behavior. This practice will help you put the best version of yourself out there, which will make you feel more confident and help you attract better matches. If you’re already mindful of doing the work to be the most evolved version of yourself at any point in time, then well done!

Now, let’s consider what you’ve learned about behaviors of former romantic partners…

Pay Attention: Be on the Lookout for Potential Mistakes

People are always giving us information through their words and behavior. It’s our job to pay attention to this information so that we can see them for who they are. There are probably some behaviors of former romantic partners that you found problematic. Keeping in mind that we’re all imperfect, determine what behaviors you can live with and which are dealbreakers.

Red Flags: Avoiding Problematic Partners

Once you’ve identified behaviors of former partners that were problematic for you, be on the lookout for those behaviors with potential matches. For instance, when my ex and I disagreed about something, he was frequently condescending and dismissive of my point of view, devaluing me. As a result, I’ve developed a very acute radar for when a man mistreats or behaves in a disrespectful manner to me.

Last year, I went on a date with P and on another date with R. There were a lot of things I liked about both of them, however, on each date I recognized condescending behaviors on their part.

P had a tendency to mansplain. R’s problematic behaviors were twofold–he made assumptions about me rather than listening to me and he was very aggressive about his point of view. P’s approach was gentler, but it was still condescending.

The thing is, while I recognized their behaviors for what they were, it still took me some time to process the dynamics of our interactions. I went into both dates hopeful, but I had some misgivings on the dates themselves that gave me pause. When you have misgivings or pause about an interaction, a behavior, or a relationship dynamic, pay attention–that’s a red flag that you are raising and waving at yourself.

Heed the flag and examine the behavior that you noticed. I liked both men enough that their behavior was unexpected and caught me off-guard. Despite hours on the phone, I hadn’t experienced either the condescension or verbal aggressiveness prior to meeting them. They were showing me who they are, but it was a side of them I hadn’t witnessed before.

I had to remember where I’d been and the lessons that I’d already learned and knew so well, then apply that knowledge to the current situation. It wasn’t an immediate recognition of the behavior with neon lights screaming at me, “NO GO!” Rather, it was a confusion, a subtle wondering, “Why are you treating me this way?” It was a not liking how it felt, then a further examination of my misgivings. Pay attention to those disquieting moments; they’re tells.

Green Lights: Watch for Good Signals

On the flipside, while you’re on the lookout for any problem behaviors, also pay attention and notice any attractive behaviors. Do they treat you well? Are they affirming of who you are? Do you feel seen and heard? Are you at ease with them? These are signs of someone who could potentially be a good partner.

Further, if you recognize attractive and positive behaviors, share that with the person–affirm their positive behavior and make them feel appreciated. Feeding the connection with positive reinforcement will nurture the connection and feel good for both of you. Kindness feels good, whether you’re on the giving or receiving end. And if the chemistry is good, positive affirmation can also provide some momentum to the connection.

All Systems Go: No Serious Mistakes Detected

We all have histories. To be ready for right relationship, we need to learn and evolve from our histories rather than let the baggage from our history burden us and the potential of future relationships. And, we deserve romantic partners who do the same.

If you’re actively engaged in being the most evolved version of yourself that you can be and you don’t see any behaviors that are red flags or dealbreakers from your potential partner, then have fun exploring and enjoying the connection for whatever it can be!

Final Thoughts

We are our histories, but we can use our histories productively, learning from our relationship mistakes rather than being limited by them. With an awareness of our histories and an eye on where we are, we’re empowered to live better, make better choices, and have better relationship(s). Good luck out there!

Up Next: Looking at Dating Profiles–Photographs

Doing a Relationship Autopsy

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Relationships begin from a place of Hope, taking a jump of Faith with another person that travelling down a road together is better than travelling it alone. But break ups happen. Hope and Faith aren’t enough to guarantee relationship success. When this happens, it can be helpful to perform a Relationship Autopsy to better understand why the relationship was ultimately unsuccessful.

Relationship Autopsy Defined

Just as a post-mortem on a body tries to find answers about the cause of death, a Relationship Autopsy is for trying to understand why a relationship didn’t work out. It’s not about casting blame, rather it’s about trying to step back and take an objective and analytical view of the relationship’s issues and its failure to thrive.

The Purpose

The point of doing a Relationship Autopsy is to have insight into Why a relationship or relationships didn’t work. Understanding the Why behind a relationship’s failure empowers you, as you go forward, to address or recognize any issues in future relationships.

You may discover that you have behaviors to own and address. There may have been some red flags that you missed and should have paid more attention to. Maybe the Relationship Dynamic was unhealthy. Perhaps the person was simply a bad fit, and you want to steer clear of certain behaviors or qualities going forward. You may realize a character flaw in the person you were with that sabotaged the relationship.

It’s essential to be as objective as possible, even though that’s hard when emotions run strong. You can’t change or fix another person, only they can do that. Focus you’re energy on what you have power over:

  • Acknowledge any behaviors that you need to work on, so that you can improve yourself and what you bring to relationship.
  • Acknowledge any failures to recognize fatal shortcomings in the other person, so that you can be more attentive to red flags in the future.
  • Acknowledge any toxic Relationship Dynamics, so that you can recognize and avoid them in the future.
  • Consider any challenges of the larger context/situation of the relationship that may have been unsurmountable or sabotaged the relationship.

Once you determine the Whys, you can work toward any needed self-improvement and choosing a more suitable romantic partner in the future.

How to do a Relationship Autopsy

When doing a Relationship Autopsy, there are four main considerations–the role you played; the role your former romantic partner played; the role of the Relationship Dynamic; and the larger situation/context of your relationship.

Your Role in the Relationship

When reflecting on your role in the Relationship Dynamic, be honest and own your shortcomings. Try to be neither defensive, nor berate yourself, as these are unproductive emotional responses.

Your purpose is to analyze the relationship as objectively as possible. To do this, you need to lean into a rational space. This will help you determine how you can do better going forward. Self-awareness is growth-oriented and a positive relationship trait.

For instance, I recognize that in the past, I wasn’t always as flexible and open to compromise as I should have been. I also wasn’t always good about standing up for myself and communicating my needs, leading to anxiety on the front-end and resentment down the road. These are areas that I’ve worked to improve.

As part of the analysis of your role, consider traits or patterns of your behavior that your partner mentioned as problematic or hurtful (e.g., Too smothering? Too inattentive? Flaky? Inconsiderate? Not a good listener?…). Consider whether or not those complaints are valid–maybe they are; maybe they aren’t.

Their Role in the Relationship

When considering your partner’s role in the relationship, don’t play the blame game–that’s leaning into emotional space and isn’t conducive to gaining insight. Instead, Zoom Out from your emotions to take a more objective perspective.

As you reflect, ask yourself:

  • What were your romantic partner’s shortcomings?
  • What drove you bananas?
  • What hurt your feelings?
  • What made you feel devalued?
  • What personality traits annoyed you, angered you, or turned you off?

Make note of any patterns of behavior in your former partner(s) that was problematic, that you may guard yourself against partners with these behaviors in the future. Try to be as specific as possible. The more clarity you have on what doesn’t work for you, the more easily you’ll be able to recognize those shortcomings and behaviors when you see them.

Further consider–Did your partner do their best to be their best self and partner in the relationship? If they didn’t make the effort to be their best, then there’s nothing you can do except choose a better partner in the future.

If they did their best, then be kind in your assessment of them. Either way, as long as you put forth your best self in partnership, you deserve someone who does the same.

Another consideration–Did they put the relationship first or their self-interest first? Did they see disagreement as something to work out or as a conflict to win?

I’ve been in couples therapy where instead of discussing our issues respectfully, my “partner” refused to give any validity to my feelings and point of view. He seemed to think that therapy was to determine a winner, with our therapist acting as the referee. If one person in the relationship wins, then, by default, the other loses. That’s neither a relationship move nor a love move.

The Relationship Dynamic

Sometimes two people doing their best still isn’t enough to make the relationship work. In this case, consider the Relationship Dynamic–the unique energy of the space created when two people interact. How did you feel in that space? Did you feel seen and heard in that space? What was the chemistry of that space?

Consider anything unhealthy patterns of interaction between you and your partner. For instance, when I’d tell my ex how his actions hurt my feelings, his predictable response was to get defensive, turning it around on me, “I’m not the one who does that, you are.” There was no way for me to be honored in a context where my partner couldn’t even validate my feelings.

Reflect on your Relationship Values, what you want in a relationship and how you want to feel in relationship. Which of your Relationship Values were met in the relationship? Which Relationship Values were inadequately met? Likely, you will find that some of your values were met (otherwise you probably wouldn’t have been in the relationship), but others were not.

Relationship Drama

When thinking about your Relationship Dynamic, consider the role of Relationship Drama in that dynamic. Was drama minimal/non-existent or did it have a predominant role in the relationship? Drama isn’t a healthy way to interact or resolve conflict, but some people thrive on it and create it. I’ve been in a relationship with a partner who created drama. I didn’t feel emotionally safe in that relationship, and it wasn’t a place where I was able to thrive.

Areas of Conflict

At some point, all relationships will be tested by disagreement or challenges. How you and your romantic partner handled these moments is a reflection of the health of your Relationship Dynamic. Were you still able to interact and partner in a healthy and respectful way toward each other? Or did it become a situation with a winner and a loser?

Think about what communication looked like when you disagreed about something. Use specific disagreements/fights that you remember. Carefully consider each of your roles in the dynamic, being mindful to own your role, whether you have bad behavior to address, or whether you put up with toxic behaviors from your partner. Ask yourself which of the following dynamics pertain:

  • Did you feel seen and heard? Did you make an effort to see and hear them?
  • Were you both able to stay reasonably rational even though you disagreed? Or did it escalate into emotional drama?
  • Did you feel your point of view was respected or demeaned? Were you respectful of their point of view?
  • Was their silence/no speaking from either or both of you?
  • Were either or both of you passive-aggressive? Did either of you play the martyr?
  • Was there blaming involved on either side? If so, was it justified or not?
  • Did either of you get defensive?
  • Were disparaging and disrespectful remarks ever made? By who?
  • What was the voice level? Reasonable? Raised? If raised, how much?
  • Did disagreement involve a lot of drama? Was it volatile?
  • Did you ever feel emotionally or physically unsafe? Did you ever make them feel that way?
  • Did disagreement stay on topic or commonly devolve into a rabbit hole of historical wounds?

If you feel that you and your partner navigated conflict in a healthy way, then kudos to you. That’s a difficult thing to do at points of conflict, and it speaks well of both of you. If not, hopefully you’ve discovered some think-abouts that you can address going forward.

A dynamic involves action and reaction. Think about how disagreements began and how the dominoes fell from there. Try to connect the dots of the cause-effect of your arguments as much as you’re able. How did you come to your partner when you were upset about something? How did they react? Alternatively, how did they come to you when they were upset about something? How did you react? What behaviors were productive in that disagreement and what behaviors were unhealthy?

And finally, how was conflict resolved? Were you able to come to an amicable decision? Were you able to reasonably compromise? Did it end in a stalemate? Did you do your own things? Conflict will arise in all relationships, and it’s important to have a path toward conflict resolution that works for the relationship, not just one partner. I was in two different relationships where instead of partnering with me at our point of difficulty, my partner told me, “I’m going to do what I want to do.” I ended both relationships.

The Context of the Relationship

Sometimes two people have a compelling connection, but the larger context of their lives creates challenges that are difficult for the relationship to surmount. The challenge of this context may even be a source of conflict.

There are many different things that could make a situation difficult for the relationship to thrive:

  • Professional obligations: lots of travel for work; working odd shifts; long hours; military deployments; etc.
  • Geography: long distance, a tricky commute; etc.
  • Lifestyle: rural vs urban; level of physical activity; outdoors; maritime; travel; particular hobbies/pursuits etc.
  • Religious differences
  • Political perspectives (How do James Carville and Mary Matalin make it work?)
  • Health issues
  • Relationship with exes (Don’t get me started.)
  • Children (I still remember the Match profile from years ago where the guy had six children. No.)
  • Living situation (Living with parents? Sharing a home with an ex? No thank you.)
  • Sexual proclivities

Do you see any external challenges that created issues in your relationship? If so, you’ll want to factor this into consideration as you discern whether future situations are a context within which you can thrive.

You many also want to consider whether anything you did contributed to make the situation more difficult than it needed to be. Were you too inflexible? Did you empower and prioritize another person over your romantic partner (e.g., a parent, ex, friend)? If so, can you do something differently to ease the context of future relationships?

What to do with the Results

Once you’ve spent time reflecting and analyzing what did and didn’t work in your relationship(s), you can use that knowledge to empower you in your search for a future romantic partner.

Be Your Best You

Use the insight you’ve gathered to identify any areas where you have work to do as an individual and as a partner, that you can bring your best you to relationship, and be the best partner you can be. As long as you choose a partner who makes the same effort, this will set you up for a better chance of relationship success.

Choose a Romantic Partner Carefully

If you bring your best you to relationship, you deserve the same from a partner. Use what you’ve learned about past relationships and partners to inform your selection of future romantic partners.

Pay close attention to both what worked and what didn’t in those relationships. As you make new Romantic Connections, use that information to discern whether they have either any of the positive traits or, on the flipside, any of the negative behaviors that you’ve identified from past relationships.

People are always giving us information through both their words and their behavior (Make sure their words and behavior match–if not, that’s problematic!). It’s your responsibility to pay attention to that information and compare it to your learned relationship history to set yourself up for a successful relationship in the future.

And, now that you’ve put some thought into analyzing past relationships for healthy and unhealthy behaviors, you can apply that same skillset to relationships in the present tense. By doing so, you’re able to recognize and respond to any problem behaviors in real time, hopefully averting the need for an autopsy.

Final Thoughts

For whatever reason you’re single, you have a relationship history. By autopsying relationships from your past, you can diagnose any unhealthy behaviors or traits to help inform you in making better choices going forward. Also, keep in mind what did work, to help you recognize those qualities in potential romantic partners. In my next post, we’ll examine how to apply what you’ve learned from your past relationships. In the meantime, good luck out there!

Up Next: Remember and Apply What You’ve Learned

Discerning Who You’re Looking For

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A lot of us mid-life singles have a clear idea of what we seek in a romantic partner and relationship. To that end, in my last post, I explored the efficacy of using a checklist of desirables for a romantic partner as a general guide to navigate with, rather than a rigid rulebook of must-haves that limits you out of relationship.

But what if you’re newly single and still getting oriented to your new milieu? What if you don’t know what you want in a romantic partner? What if what you’ve been doing and who you’ve been dating hasn’t worked out so well for you? What if nothing much is happening in your love life? Are you willing to open yourself to new possibilities? If you’re not sure who you’re seeking or you’re willing to reconsider who you might be open to, then this post is for you!

Let’s consider how you can better orient yourself to navigate in the direction you want to go, even if you don’t know which way that is yet…

Patterns of Attraction

If you don’t have a sense of who you’re looking for at all, it might be helpful to reflect on whether you have any patterns of attraction to certain qualities or types of people. Consider past relationships, dates, interactions, and dating profiles. Do you see any patterns of attraction in your dating and relationship history? Are there any qualities that you find enticing or are drawn to?

These qualities may be:

  • Physical Traits: height; ethnic heritage; skin color; eye color; hair color/style; body type…
  • Personality Traits: confidence; sense of humor; carriage; intellect; generosity; thoughtfulness; punctuality; introvert/extrovert…
  • Type of Career/Profession: artistic/creative; scientist; pilot; medical; military; education; technical; entertainment; financial…
  • Perspective: politics; religion…
  • Lifestyle: urban; outdoorsy; maritime; rural; social; travel…
  • Talents: musical; artistic; writing; woodworking; cooking, athletic/sports…
  • Recreational Pursuits: surfing; sailing; equestrian; hiking; running; skiing…

After a few years of post-divorce dating, I realized that I was dating a lot of men with a Mediterranean heritage–specifically Jewish, Greek, and Italian. I’ve also dated a lot of creative/artistic men. I don’t limit myself to such men, but I learned to recognize that those are attractive qualities to me, giving me a self-awareness which has empowered me in my romantic search.

Similarly, my friend Leah, who remarried a couple of years ago, remarked to me that all of her significant romantic relationships, including both husbands, were men of Irish descent. A little uncanny for someone outside of Boston, and definitely a pattern of attraction.

My hairstylist’s two most significant romantic relationships were both with engineers. Coincidences such as this are generally more than simple serendipity. For some reason, she’s been drawn to engineers in her past. Do you see any patterns of attraction in your relationships and dating history?

If you can’t pinpoint any particular patterns yet, pay attention to this going forward, as you look at dating profiles and go on dates. If you find a particular profile or person attractive or intriguing, what is it about them that draws you in? Their piercing eyes? Their sense of humor? Their active lifestyle? Be attuned to any patterns.

Once you identify some qualities that resonate with you, you can use that as a general guide to help you navigate the dating landscape. Recognizing such qualities doesn’t need to limit you to those qualities. Rather, use that awareness to empower you in your search for a suitable and attractive romantic partner.

The Rearview Mirror

Besides having an awareness of what qualities you find attractive in a romantic partner, it can be helpful to look back on your past relationships and dating history to analyze where you’ve been–what has worked for you in the past, as well as what hasn’t worked. You can use this knowledge to help you recognize good potential partners and steer clear of bad situations.

What Worked

When I started dating again post-divorce, I was surprised after a year of multiple misfires to find that I was attracted to the same kind of man mid-life that I was in college. My college sweetheart was a tall dark handsome art history major with a playful sense of humor. Isaac, the first man who really made me swoon in mid-life, was a Jewish (check: tall dark handsome) art museum director (check: art type) and is one of the funniest men I’ve ever known (check: sense of humor).

Recognizing these parallels was a powerful light bulb moment for me. Going forward, I was able to avoid wasting time on men who couldn’t sustain my interest and focus my energy on the kind of men who could. Ever since, I’ve been able to up my dating game, dating men who I’ve found more intriguing and who’ve better suited me.

To find a suitable partner as you go forward, begin by looking in the rearview mirror. What qualities in a partner have worked for you in the past?

What Didn’t

Conversely, consider what hasn’t worked out for you in the past. Do a Relationship Autopsy on your big relationships. Why haven’t they worked out? Be honest about owning your role and make note of any patterns of behavior in your former partners that was problematic. Going forward, you can attend to your own shortcomings and be on the lookout for problematic behaviors in potential partners.

If you see any unhealthy patterns that you’ve manifested in the fallout of your relationships, then be attentive to that and do the work you need to do to ensure more success in the future. I’ve certainly done a lot of work toward being the best version of myself that I can muster at any given time, as well as to be the best romantic partner that I can be. In a relationship, it’s crucial that both partners are working toward that end. If the bulk of the emotional work of relationship falls to one person in the relationship, that’s a setup for failure.

If your romantic partner didn’t or doesn’t do their best to be their best self and partner, then there’s nothing more you can do. That’s their shortcoming, and it limits the potential for the relationship. You either live with it, or you move on and learn from it.

My Story

In my marriage, there was a lot of drama. When my ex and I disagreed, he was condescending and dismissive of my point-of-view. We didn’t need to be in disagreement for him to be dismissive of my feelings. I knew that I deserved to be treated better, but while years of emotional and verbal abuse made me resilient, it also made me emotionally vulnerable.

With Stanley, once again, my feelings were frequently dismissed. He prioritized his ex’s needs over mine. He promised much, but his actions failed to follow through. So much of our relationship never made sense to me, yet by staying in the relationship, I was at some level accepting the situation, because I was accepting a partner who treated me that way.

Eventually, I got fed up with being in relationships where my feelings were marginalized and I was mistreated. I knew that I deserved better, but it was up to me to reject worse and claim better. I couldn’t do that within the contexts of those relationships, because the partners I was with had limitations.

What I learned from these relationships forms the basis of my Relationship Values–how I want to feel in relationship and what I want in a romantic partner. These days, I pay close attention to how a man makes me feel; whether I feel seen and heard by him; whether his words match his actions; and whether or not a situation makes sense to me. If I want to have a successful relationship, I need to choose a partner who’s capable of being the kind of partner I seek.

Kate’s Story

My friend Kate, reflecting on her dating history, realized that she’s dated a lot of “Assholes”. Essentially, that translates as men who haven’t treated her well or made her feel valued, often amounting to them blowing her off. She may have liked them, but she didn’t like the way they made her feel. Having an awareness of this, she’s developed an Asshole-radar which she pays close attention to.

Your Story

Looking back on your relationship and dating history what are the big red flags that you see in the rearview mirror? What were the problem areas of your past relationships? What faults and characteristics of your past partners caused you so much grief that you want to steer clear of them in the future? What are your relationship values?

Try to be as specific as possible. The more clarity you have on what doesn’t work for you, the more easily you’ll be able to recognize those shortcomings and behaviors when you see them.

Final Thoughts

Having an awareness of your patterns of attraction, as well as characteristics in partners that have and haven’t worked for you in the past, allows you to be more intentional in your search for a suitable romantic partner. Work to be your best you and know what does and doesn’t work for you, so you’re ready for that right romantic partner and recognize them when you see them!

May you find the partner who’s worthy of you. Good luck out there!

Up Next: Shifting Dating Strategies to Match Your Phase