Your profile pictures are the first thing a potential match is going to use in the screening process, so it’s important to represent yourself accurately and well. You want to put your best you out there, and you don’t want potential matches disappointed when they meet you.
In my last post, I gave some basic photo guidelines. Here are some more considerations:
Don’t: Have a lot of pictures sans you
Every once in a while, I’ll see a man’s profile that has several pictures he’s not even in. Usually the pictures have a focus–landscapes of places travelled; his pet(s); food; or quotes/mantras. Obviously, this is a reflection of the person’s interest, but when I’m looking through photographs, my purpose is to get a sense of what he looks like; if I’m physically attracted to him; and the context of his life (Can I imagine myself in his photos? Visualize myself in the context of his life?).
While I appreciate getting a sense of someone’s interests to determine if we have common ground (Scuba pictures? I’m probably not a good fit for them. Italy? I’ll grab my passport!), what I want to see is him in the pictures. So, have a pet you want to share? Post a picture of yourself with your pet. Are you a foodie? Post a picture of yourself dining out, or cooking, or both. Love to travel? Post a picture of where you’ve been with yourself in the photo.
As for mantras and quotes, your dating profile is probably not the best platform for sharing these; it strikes me as very Facebookey. If, however, your really thrive on getting inspiration in your life from quotes and/or mantras, choose one that you find especially inspiring.
Photo: This photo is in New York City! It serves to show that I like to travel, but as a full-body photograph it also gives potential matches an idea of my body type.
Do: Use a professional work headshot
If you have a professional work headshot, you’ve already been captured looking your best and putting your best self out there. Maximize on that! I’ve seen several men use a professional work headshot to good effect on their dating profile. If you have some good ones and they’re fairly current, choose your best one and upload it! A good head shot could also make an effective primary profile picture.
Don’t: Cover up other people’s faces
If you feel the need to cover up the faces of people in a photo that you upload, then you might ask yourself why you chose to upload that picture at all. When you cover up faces, it looks goofy and it’s distracting. That’s not the messaging you want to be sending to potential matches. Choose a different photo for better impact. Along with this, keep in mind…
Do: Keep the focus on you
You are the product that you’re marketing. Keep the focus on you. Don’t have a lot of pictures with other people in them. You don’t want potential matches to have to try and discern who you are in a group. You also don’t want them thinking that your friend is better looking than you are–you have plenty of competition already, don’t create more for yourself. And don’t, don’t, don’t post a picture of yourself with someone that potential matches might wonder if they’re your ex or if you have a FWB relationship. You don’t want any potential matches to be scared off that you might be emotionally unavailable or a player. If you do have posts with other people in them, make your relationship clear (ie., my sister).
If you look through the pictures on this post and my last, you’ll notice that I don’t have any pictures with other people in them. I want potential matches to focus on me, and if they’re a match, I’ll let them into my life and they’ll learn my people then.
Don’t: Have a sideways or out-of-frame picture
Take the trouble to make sure that your photos are correctly oriented. Sideways pictures present as lazy and inept, and no one’s going to take the trouble to bend themselves sideways to look at it. Don’t let the technology outsmart you. Orient your photos correctly before you upload. Ask for help if you need it. If you’re serious about finding a match, then you need to take your dating profile seriously.
Occasionally, I’ll see a primary profile picture where the man is out totally out-of-frame and you have to click on it to find him in the full picture. Your primary profile picture is your most important picture because it’s your lead. If it isn’t done well or correctly, many potential matches won’t bother to click any further. Make sure your picture is centered so that potential matches can see you. On Match, go to the “View” on your profile to see what your profile picture looks like. If it isn’t centered, go to “Edit” and try to re-center or better yet, choose another primary photo altogether.
Do: Stand tall in your photos
Confidence is an attractive quality. When I see a man slouching or who seems physically awkward in his photos, I’m turned off. Awkwardness and insecurity aren’t sexy. Your carriage can be a turn-on or a turn-off. Don’t let it be the latter.
My friend Evan was complaining the other day that one of the limitations of profile pictures versus seeing someone in person, is that you don’t get a sense of how they move, and that the way a woman moves can be a huge turn on for him. Or not. I told him to pay attention to the women’s carriage in their photos. How a person holds their body can give you a sense of how that person carries themself in space, even if they aren’t in motion. You want to project confidence in your pictures; your carriage can work for you or against you. Aim for the former.
Own the physical space that your body takes up, don’t be intimidated by it. I think more tall people struggle with this than short people, as if they’re apologetic for the vertical space they are taking up. Own every inch of yourself! Look through your pictures, are you slouching? Do you look awkward?
If so, make a point to address this. Take new pictures with your posture and carriage in mind. Grow an awareness of your physical body; how you carry yourself; and how you hold your body as you move through space. Notice and study how other people are holding their bodies and moving through space. And if self-confidence is an issue for you, remember the adage, “Fake it, until you make it.” “Fake it” is the practice; “making it” is the habit. Practice standing tall and walking with confidence. The world is your runway; walk it well!
Photos: Notice that in all my profile photos, both full body shots and headshots, I have a relaxed, not stiff carriage. I’m standing tall, owning the space I’m in, without it being forced. I’m 5’9″ and proudly claim all of my vertical space (In my 5-inch heels I claim even more!). My pictures are saying, “Here I am!” And for the right man I’ll add…”waiting for you,” with a wink.
Stay tuned! Up next: How to Take Good Profile Pictures
My last two posts have gone over some dos and don’ts of effective profile pictures. My next post will be the last in this series. In it, I’ll give you tips on how to take good profile pictures. The more effectively you market yourself, the more potential matches you are going to attract. And that will help you find the match you’re looking for. Good luck out there!
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