Holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration, but there are all kinds of reasons that the joy of the season may feel elusive, even oppressive. If you feel marginalized by the joy rather than a participant in it, a season of joy can have a dark underbelly. Advent? My life often feels like an Advent–waiting, waiting, waiting… yet I don’t want to wait my life away, so I do my best to make things happen. Part of that is taking the holidays on my terms.

With the holiday season upon us, I want to address some tips for navigating the holidays as a single–I’ve certainly had plenty of time to figure out some single holiday hacks. While I hope all singles can find something helpful herein, I especially offer this to those of you who are single and struggling. I’ve been there. Please, Persist.

Have a Game Plan:

For holidays without my boys, I always make sure to have a plan so that I don’t end up sitting at home feeling sad and sorry for myself. Instead, I ensure that I’m actively doing something and participating in my life and the holiday. I may still feel sad and sorry for myself, but at least I’m trying to do something to counteract those feelings rather than simply marinating in a brine of sorrow and self-pity. I do the holiday on my terms. Here are some actionable ideas:

Go on a Date:

Remember, you’re not alone in this. You’re hardly the only single. If you don’t have kids for the holiday, and someone’s piqued your interest, consider going on a date.

I’ve had a first date in Chicago on Christmas Day and a local one on New Year’s Day. If there’s someone you like who might be available, ask them out…who knows, maybe you’ll end up with a great first-date story to tell at your wedding! Or maybe you’ll make a good memory, even if it doesn’t work out for the long term. Or perhaps you’ll make a new friend. And if it’s a major fail, hopefully you at least get a good story to laugh about.

As singles, we must laugh–our experiences are simply too ridiculous not to. Sans laughter, it hurts too much. Find the humor as you’re able. Upturn situations and holidays as it suits you. Take holidays on your terms.

Celebrate with Friends:

Do you know other singles who lack a special someone or family to celebrate with? When looking for friends to celebrate holidays with, one of the first people I think of is Ed–godfather to my eldest son, he’s been a beloved friend for over twenty years.

A longtime single, Ed has no children, his parents are deceased, and he doesn’t have any local family members. While he has many friends he can potentially celebrate with, he doesn’t have a consistent person to celebrate with, and he’s more likely to be available on holidays than most of my friends. We’ve made some good memories over the years, including dancing and drinking to a live band at a honky tonk bar on New Year’s Eve!

Remember Galentine’s Day from Parks and Recreation? Instead of the romantic-focused celebration of Valentine’s Day, Leslie creates a holiday to celebrate her gal friends. Along the same lines, if you aren’t able to celebrate Thanksgiving with family, consider a Friendsgiving celebration instead! Create your own special way to celebrate a holiday with friends. Flip the holiday from a what you’re missing scenario to a what you’re making happen scenario!

Be Your own Date (Celebrate Yourself!):

Unhappily married, I focused my life around my children during my marriage. They brought me joy, so I immersed myself in them. With the divorce came weekends without my children. Alone with myself, I finally gave myself some much-needed attention. I chose to actively honor myself and re-create myself into the woman I wanted to be. Every weekend without my boys, I made a point of getting out of the house and doing something–going on the First Friday gallery walk, to a movie, or taking myself out for dinner. Something.

Frankly, the first time I went to dinner alone felt awkward. I took a book along and dressed up for the occasion. The book gave me something, if not someone, to engage with, and I dressed up in order to own my worth, just as I’d dress up for a date. Despite being somewhat self-conscious, I also found the experience liberating.

With time, taking myself out to dinner has become normalized and empowering. Anymore, when someone tells me they couldn’t possibly go out to eat by themself, I genuinely feel sorry for them. Nowadays, I sit at the bar. I bring reading material, but I invite the possibility of conversation and connection by sitting in a communal space rather than alone at a table.

Last New Year’s Eve, I had plans to stay home and watch a movie with my youngest son, but he made last minute plans with friends. Left without a game plan, I dressed myself up and went out for Happy Hour at my favorite sushi restaurant.

As a former restaurant hostess, I can tell you that New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day are the trickiest nights to eat out sans a reversation. But, by sitting at the bar and hitting early Happy Hour, seating wasn’t a problem. People were out, I got myself out there, and I beat the real crowds. Don’t have a date to celebrate with? Celebrate yourself!

Get Yourself out there and Do Something:

My first Thanksgiving sans my children loomed as oppressively claustrophobic–a too quiet, too long holiday. I had plans to go over to my folks for a noon-hour meal, followed by playing cards with my parents and uncle. This was good for a few hours, but I couldn’t foresee several hours spent so quietly.

I knew I needed to open up the holiday somehow, so I decided to go to a movie in the late afternoon. I told my parents and uncle that they were welcome to join me, and my mother did. I was able to spend time with family, get out of the house, and break up the holiday so it was enjoyable and averted drifting into monotony.

The last few Thanksgivings without my boys, I’ve opted for hiking on the holiday. Many things are closed on holidays, but nature isn’t! Holidays are a great opportunity to go for a hike.

When options are limited, consider trying a hotel restaurant/bar. When I went to Chicago for a first date on Christmas, we stayed at a boutique hotel where we had dinner and drinks at the hotel’s restaurant and bar. Hotels need to provide service to their clientele, even on major holidays, so there’s a decent chance that you can find an open restaurant/bar in a hotel if you do a little research.

Your chances are better at hotels that are large and/or upscale. A larger hotel will be serving more travelers, and an upscale hotel will strive to make their clientele happy.

Get Out of Town:

Another get-yourself-out-there option is getting yourself all the way out-of-town! Don’t sit at home alone, in fact, don’t stay home at all, but get yourself some new scenery!

I flew to Chicago for my Christmas date. Hardly anyone flies on Christmas Day itself, so getting out-of-town was a breeze. No crowds, no hassle. Upon arrival, I had the adventure of a new connection and a different town, offering me fresh possibilities in companionship, activities, and scenery.

The past few Thanksgivings without my boys, I’ve opted to get out of town. It’s a long weekend without my boys, so why not? I turned the holiday into a vacation! My friend Erik was gracious enough to let me stay at his home in Colorado while he was visiting family in Nebraska.

Thanksgiving Day, I’d go for a hike in Rocky Mountain National Park. Other days, when more things were open, I’d go to the Denver Art Museum, take myself out to dinner, and go Christmas shopping at the Pearl Street Mall in Boulder or Christkindlmarket in Denver (Maybe both!).

Birthdays count!

Don’t have a partner or kids to celebrate your birthday with? Do a singles’ holiday hack on your birthday! Take the day off and do something special for yourself–with a friend, out of town, or on your own! On different birthdays I’ve celebrated by going for a birthday hike; going on a first date in Chicago; and meeting up with friends for Happy Hour.

One year, my friend Ed, citing me as his inspiration, celebrated his birthday by flying to Chicago in the morning, going to the Art Institute, then flying back in the evening. He saved money on a hotel, was able to get back the same day to take care of his dogs, yet made his day special and memorable. It gives me great pleasure to be that kind of inspiration.

Your ideas?

Looking to change up a holiday? Be creative and flip your thinking! And if you have ideas that you’ve tried or have new inspiration, please share your ideas in the comments.

Final Thoughts…

As a single, the holidays can be emotionally tricky to navigate. If you’re a single, a time of celebration and community spirit can potentially make you feel alienated and isolated. Such feelings are valid, and I don’t mean to gloss over their legitimacy. In fact, I’ve addressed the trickiness of the holidays before in this blog.

But, while such feelings are legitimate, is that where you want to live? If you’re single and struggling with holiday malaise, I offer you this post as a way to empower yourself and your thinking, to try to push yourself to a better holiday experience. And I wish you the best of luck in that endeavor.

Have fun and be safe! Happy holidays to you, whatever your holidays may be, and good luck out there! Peace and love– Laura