Valentine’s Day is known as a day for Lovers. If you have a lover, that’s a beautiful thing. This day caters to you. Enjoy and celebrate your love!

If you don’t have a lover, Valentine’s Day can leave you feeling marginalized, reinforcing your sense of single-ness. If single is your status, you could feel sorry for yourself, I certainly have at times, but marinating too much in that is unproductive. Rather than feel sorry for ourselves, how can we flip our thinking, and take ownership in this “couples” holiday?

Being a Lover

Let’s first consider what it really means to be a “Lover“. A person can be married or in a committed relationship and yet not be a Lover. If a person lacks an attitude of Love, then they’re simply not a Lover, regardless of their relationship status.

Likewise, you can be a Lover, even sans a lover. Those of us seeking Love, must also have Love to offer. We don’t need a lover to offer that Love up. We can walk in Love and try to manifest a loving presence in our interactions as we go forth into the world. And we can feel good about that. With luck, that effort will be appreciated, and we’ll attract Love in kind. We’ll attract better, because we’re embodying better. Claim and own your title as a Lover, regardless of your relationship status.

The world can be a harsh place. There’s a lot of hate and divisiveness these days. The world could use more Love. We can be that Love. Each of us can try to be a Light, even in darkness. The more Lights there are, the brighter it gets.

As you go forth in your day, consider if there are ways you can be that loving presence in different contexts and relationships–on social media, in the grocery store, at work, walking down the street, on a dating platform. The world is better for the Love you offer.

Conducting oneself like a lover, not just romantically, but as a lover of humankind, won’t guarantee that one’s treated in kind, but it does improve the odds. Though sometimes it’s hard, and sometimes I fail, I always try to begin from a place of Love. And while I’m still single, I have the gift of many wonderful friends and connections, a support system that continues to grow.

There are people who are limited and unable to meet us in lovingkindness–some other emotion has gotten in the way of their ability to lead with Love. At such times, of course, we ought to stand up for ourselves. Doing so is a demonstration of self-love, a recognition that we deserve to be treated with lovingkindness. Further, standing up for ourself with dignity, rather than condescending to a baser level of interaction (even if that’s what we’re confronted with) demonstrates self-respect.

Regardless of your relationship status or the limitations of others, you can claim your title as a Lover. It’s yours for the taking.

Celebrating a Day for Lovers

If You Have a Lover

If you have a lover, then how to celebrate is easy. This day already caters to you and you’ve lots of options. You just need to narrow down the options and plan ahead.

Planning ahead is crucial. Having worked in a fine dining establishment for several years, the two busiest nights of the year were New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day. There were always people who tried to call for a reservation the same day, but by that time we were fully booked. I even turned Johnny Rodgers down for a same day reservation (I’m not a football fan and had no idea who he was. My boss at the time, an avid Husker fan, was not pleased.) Try to book a minimum of a week ahead.

Activities

One way to celebrate the day with your date is to do a special activity. There are plenty of activities worth considering:

• Dinner
  • Dinner Reservations: Dress up and hit the town!
  • Romantic Dinner In: Make a special dinner for your lover or make dinner together.
  • Picnic: Depending on where you live and what the weather is, pack a picnic and eat somewhere special. Use your imagination!
• Live Music/Dancing: Go out and take in some music. Better yet, add in some dancing. Dancing can be a fun and romantic activity.
• Ice Skating: a variation on dancing! It can be a fun activity whether you’re skilled or novice.
• Find a Special Event: There are lots of special activities planned around the holiday. Look into what special activities are available in your area. Try a Google search, Facebook Events, or check with your local favorites. For instance:
  • Couples Massage
  • Winery/Wine Bar/Brew Pub Event
  • Art Galleries/Painting Studios
• Go for a Romantic:
  • Walk
  • Drive
  • Boat Ride
  • Horse Carriage/Ride
  • Sleigh Ride
• Watch a Film: You can do this whether going out or staying in! Choose a film strategically whether it’s a genre you both like or something that suits the mood you want to establish.
• Play a Game: You can go to a game cafe or play a game at home. Be creative, explore romantic/sensual game options. Some of these can be found at…
• Visit a Lingerie or Adult Store: Know your date/partner well enough to determine if this is a good fit for you.
• Getaway: Get out of town, go to a new town, rent a cabin, or book a boutique hotel in town for a change of scenery.

There are lots of options to choose from. Figure out what makes sense for you and yours.

Gifts

My personal preference for gifts is to keep it simple, but admittedly, this isn’t one of my Love Languages. Flowers are great, as long as the recipient doesn’t have allergies. But with flowers, again, you’ll need to plan ahead–a lot of flowers will be delivered this day.

If Gifts are important to your lover, it doesn’t need to be extravagant, just use what you know about them to guide you–a pair of earrings/cufflinks, the perfume/cologne they wear, a favorite bottle of wine, tickets to a concert/show, a future getaway.

Beware of Having High Expectations

Holidays and special occasions can easily lend themselves to high expectations. Valentine’s Day in particular can be easily romanticized by the very nature of being a holiday associated with romance. We’re imperfect beings living in an imperfect world. Focus on enjoying yourself and your date rather than having rigid expectations of what the day must be.

An acquaintance of mine several years ago complained to me about the gift her husband gave her for Valentine’s Day. He’d bought a thoughtful gift, but it didn’t land right with her. Her reaction was disappointment and anger that he’d wasted money on such a gift. Her reaction didn’t land right with me.

If you’re fortunate enough to have a lover on a day devoted to lovers, that’s a gift in itself. If you’re further lucky enough to be the recipient of an experience or gift, be grateful and express your gratitude rather than sitting in judgment of the offering. Valentine’s Day is a day for Lovers; Judgment is not a Love move.

Celebrating as a Single

If you’re sans lover this year, you might have low expectations for Valentine’s Day. The good news is, that if you have low expectations, it’s easy to exceed them! The show Parks and Recreation offers some great inspiration for how you can claim some of this day as a single and a Lover.

Make Valentine’s Day Galentine’s Day

In the episode Galentine’s Day, Leslie celebrates friendship with her gal pals. In the show, they celebrate on February 13, but why not celebrate on Valentine’s Day itself? You may be celebrating with a friend, but there’s no reason you can’t do some of the activities a couple might do (see above)–go hear live music, have a nice dinner, watch a film, get friend massages! For a lark, you could even pretend to be a couple as an inside joke on the day.

Treat Yo Self

On Parks and Recreation, Treat Yo Self Day is a day when Donna and Tom celebrate themselves by treating themselves to special indulgences, purchases, and experiences. They are loving on themselves. If you don’t have a lover, be your own lover. Love on yourself and treat yo self to something special, whether an experience, a meal, a fine wine, a special purchase, a relaxing evening, or all of the above and then some.

You can Treat Yo Self by yo-self or with a friend. Why not combine Galentine’s Day, Treat Yo Self Day, and Valentine’s Day all into one day of loving fun?

Buy Yourself Flowers

Don’t have a lover to give or get flowers to/from? As the Miley Cyrus song says, buy yourself flowers! And, if you’re buying them for yourself, no need to go to the trouble to send them like everyone else is. Trader Joe’s has an inexpensive but attractive selection of options. You deserve to brighten up your day!

Singles Events

Just as there are special events that cater to couples experiences on Valentine’s Day, look into what singles events are happening near you. In addition to a Google search or Facebook Events, Match.com Events and other dating platforms/venues are worth looking into for happenings as well.

Films

Want to stay in and watch a film, either by yourself or with a friend? I’ve often landed here on Valentine’s Day. When I do so, I very intentionally steer clear of the rom-com. At 53, I’ve been single long enough that I’m tired of bearing witness to love happening to other people, real or fictional. I need space from it, so I avoid it in film. Instead, give me some moody noir, where nobody’s entirely happy, and everyone has issues.

Some (mostly) non rom-com suggestions:

• Casablanca (1942): Spoiler alert…Love doesn’t win, Friendship does!
• The Third Man (1949): Love doesn’t win, nor does Friendship.
• The Asphalt Jungle (1950): Love goes unrequited or is a means to an end.
• Laura (1944): Love gets a little obsessive.
• Fatal Attraction (1987): Love gets a little obsessive.
• Night of the Hunter (1955): Stunning cinematography; haunting song. Love vs. Hate. There are loving people, and there are people who love money. Beware who you love…
• The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964): A visually stunning foreign musical where Love meets Reality.
• The Long Goodbye (1973): A single guy with a cat. Romantic relationships and friendships are pretty messed up. Titillating amount of boobies (It’s Robert Altman, after all).
• Thelma & Louise (1991): A celebration of female friendship. They stick together to the end.
• Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969): A celebration of male friendship. They stick together to the end.
• Bridesmaids (2011): Venturing into rom-com territory here, but the theme of Friendship is equally as strong or stronger than the theme of Romantic Love. Plus, it’s hilarious.

Final Thoughts

Whether you have a lover or are seeking one, celebrate this day as the Lover you are. The world is a better place for the Love you offer it. May you feel the Love you are so worthy of.

If you have any additional thoughts, ideas, or tips for celebrating Valentine’s Day, please comment below; I’d love to hear your ideas! Good luck out there, and Happy Valentine’s Day!

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